Symmetry

One of my eyebrows is longer than the other. The left eyebrow (my left) is better shaped and longer. The right eyebrow refuses to grow out longer (as in, toward the direction of my ears) even though it will grow in every other way. I should just shorten the other one so that they'll match, but I don't. I can't bring myself to maim my one truly fabulous eyebrow.

My sister "shaped" my eyebrows the summer after my sophomore year of high school. Then, in my zeal, I pretty much overplucked them until my junior year in college when I was living with some cosmetic-savvy girls in the Colony. I overheard my roommate, Katherine, telling my roommate, Shelbys that she (S) just need to let her eyebrows grow in a little more then she (K) could shape them. I thought to myself: let them grow in? I studied my own caterpillars in the mirror. I little extra growth could be good. The thing was, my brows were plucked too far in--er... like, the space between them was too wide. I looked... faintly plastic-y and maybe a little strained. I let them flourish. It was a good choice. But they're still uneven. And probably always will be.

Eyebrows I admire:

1. Audrey Hepburn
2. Cassie S. (girl in my writing fiction class)
3. Keira Knightley
4. Elizabeth Taylor
5. My mom's

Eyebrows I do not admire:

1. Amanda H. (girl from my high school)
2. My grandma (she had them tattooed on)
3. Zachary Quinto
4. Peter Gallagher
5. Joan Rivers (post face lift)

Daniel-san

Whenever I see someone that looks like my brother, Daniel, I instantly like them. It's only later, when I look back, that I realize that I didn't actually know that person very well (and definitely not well enough to feel as fond as them as I do), or even sincerely like them. I just think my brother is cool. So, because I like lists and because I like my brother, I am making a list about why he is so dope.

1. We kind of look alike. Well, we did when I was like six.
2. He is a really good cook (ah, Korean food).
3. He is a master of Office trivia.
4. He is a computer genius.
5. He let me come stay with him one weekend this summer when I was losing my mind.
6. He married Cassie (half his coolness may actually come from her...)
7. He drove me to school for my first day of high school. My mom wasn't there because she was working for a plastic surgeon and they started surgery at 6:00 am or something. I was having a nervous breakdown in the car (a silver '85 Corolla, I believe) so he sang to me "Take It Easy" by the Eagles.
8. He sings a lot. It's not stunning or anything, it's just Dan. He's the reason I find myself defending classic rock from time to time (Scorpions anyone?).
9. We always got along pretty well when we were younger. Kyle and I fought like mad. Dan was always very kind to me. Note: Kyle and I get along beautifully these days.
10. He gives great hugs.
11. He sometimes wrote me when he was on his mission.
12. He gave me my true title, "The Girl."
13. He tells me first about big events. I was the first to know when he got engaged, and when he and Cass found out they were going to have Lena. He tried to call me about Joey, but I didn't answer.
14. He gives good advice, from relationships to cars to computers to life to music.
15. He's smart.
16. He let me steal some of his music when he was home one summer and we were watching the Olympics.
17. I feel like I can just BE when I'm hanging out with him and his family.
18. I don't think I've ever seen him dance. I'm not sure why this makes him cool. Just does.
19. He's a good father to his babies and a good husband to his wife.
20. He's a good big brother.

NAGEK

Kegan is cool. So cool that he made me blueberry muffins. Someday I will try to be that cool and make muffins for myself. Until then--Kegan is cool.

Dream Job--Livin' It

I've worked at the same place for the past four years. I'm a student secretary. I know a lot of stuff. Some might even say that I'm a valuable asset, but I'm pretty sure that they could train anyone to do my very same job in about a week--but with nowhere near my finesse. This past summer I worked part-time for one professor in particular--which was fine, except that he was rarely there and when he was, he never gave me enough to do. I watched all of "Breakfast at Tiffany's" on youtube, as well as numerous episodes of "American's Next Top Model"--a show that I have an inexplicable affinity for. Maybe I'm vicariously living out my dream of being 5'11 and 120 lbs with poochy lips and a huge forehead. Who knows?

At any rate. Just in case my employer decides to kick me to the curb (she won't) for someone they can employ for cheaper (I didn't get a raise for the first year or two, then one suddenly came--they've been right on schedule ever since. Each fall I get informed that my hourly wage is going up. I, politely, do not refuse this.), I will now write a list of all the magical information that I have/know that no one could possibly have/know if they were not me. I will keep this is the secure archives of my blog where I can wield it if ever my job comes in jeopardy (again--it won't). Heaven help me if my competitors read this and discover my secret crystal.

Evidence of my expertise:

1. I know the location of the candy drawer.
2. I have two departmental keys. One is in my possession by accident.
3. I have never met a copier jam that I couldn't solve after a little opening and slamming of drawers, turning of wheels, and, in one instance, poking with a unbent paperclip.
4. The people at the parking office no longer have conniption fits when I pick up the parking passes--which students are never supposed to do.
5. I have codes to three or four different doors memorized.
6. I can tell you how to get to room 201.
7. I created the flier for Dr. O's family Christmas party.
8. I could write a book containing all the marriage advice that Dr. H has given me.
9. Whenever Dr. P says, "Amanda, could you help me for a second?" I know that she has some computer project for me which may or may not be possible.
10. I have perfected the art of wearing headphones so I can listen to music and still be attentive to the professors.
11. I know where the batteries are kept.
12. I'm good at annoying small talk.
13. You have never heard "Exercise Sciences, this is Amanda" as smoothly as you will hear it when I answer your call.
14. I can remember Larry's last four hairstyles.
15. I know where to find the best water fountains and not only the best bathrooms, but the best stalls within bathrooms.
16. I have never been run down by the men's cross country team while crossing the indoor track.
17. I answer to both "Amanda" and "Amber."
18. No one hates me.
19. I can tell when interoffice politics are reaching high tide and can act both innocent and comfortingly bewildered.
20. I know where the polar bear Christmas sleigh decoration is hid.
21. I know how to handle Google Docs for the athletic training students.
22. I know basic biographical information about Henry, the parrot that used to live in our office.
23. I understand the full significance of Dr. GM wearing shoes and not Birks.
24. I can smell a lost student from at least fifty yards away.
25. I try to sort the recycling.

Writing this list was exhausting and not enjoyable. Don't fire me.

Go Cougs

Sometimes when I go to sporting events, I don't really want to wear fan-appropriate attire. Like, sometimes I want to wear a red shirt.

Going to the pool? Just let me pull on my smock.

I have needed a new swimsuit ever since I bought the one that I have (well, I have two--they're both bad news). It has some rather unforgivable flaws that I will not expound upon.

As far as clothing shopping goes, trying to find a swimsuit has got to be THE worst. Every one fits differently, and usually not in a good way. I want to see the girl that fits perfectly into every suit--frankly, I don't think she exists.

Here's the deal: I know exactly what I want. Here's the problem: nobody makes it (or else they make something slightly close to it, but for about $300). Is it overreacting to think that maybe I should've studied fashion design instead of English?

You know what's wrong with swimsuits on the whole? Their very purpose, which is to take the body in a state of near nakitude and then put something on it that is both tight and often unflattering, and then to have you parade around on a beach, the edge of a pool, on a raft going down a river, etc. It just doesn't make sense.

The line between "young" and "mature" bathing suits is clear. "Young" generally means bikini. "Mature" means it has one of those ruffled skirts that is supposed to hide things like stretch marks and cottage cheese thighs. Why can't we have swimming smocks? Here, come get your swimming smock--any color you want! Just pull on this miniature tent and off you go! Feel free! Go on, parade about in your smock! Prance if you want!