W
I dropped my poetry class because I didn't want to write poetry anymore. I'd been waiting for a year to get into that class, and then I was there and I hated it. For just a moment, I wondered if I was playing mind games with myself. I was one of two undergrads in there and everybody else was getting their masters in something. I thought they were looking down on me. Maybe I just didn't like it because I realized that my poetry isn't any good. It never really was. Contrived? Yes. Good? No.
In fact, I didn't really drop the class. I withdrew. Which means a W on my transcript and a $10 fee on my account. But I don't regret it. I haven't regretted it. Every Tuesday night I know they're meeting together and reading poetry and analyzing and sitting silently under Dr. Larsen's gaze. He waits for them to say something intelligent, understanding, correct. And I'm walking home. My giraffe printed bag heavy on my shoulder, my hair blowing sticky on my face. And I'm so glad to be moving away.
Sometimes the hardest thing is to figure out where you want to be. But you're so grateful when--now and then--you find the place, and you're there.
In fact, I didn't really drop the class. I withdrew. Which means a W on my transcript and a $10 fee on my account. But I don't regret it. I haven't regretted it. Every Tuesday night I know they're meeting together and reading poetry and analyzing and sitting silently under Dr. Larsen's gaze. He waits for them to say something intelligent, understanding, correct. And I'm walking home. My giraffe printed bag heavy on my shoulder, my hair blowing sticky on my face. And I'm so glad to be moving away.
Sometimes the hardest thing is to figure out where you want to be. But you're so grateful when--now and then--you find the place, and you're there.
posted by Sylvia Louise at
9:43 PM
2 Comments:
I totally agree. Not that your poetry stinks--I don't think I've ever even read any of your poetry. But I agree about the hardest thing being trying to figure out where you want to be. I go through this practically every day. Now that I'm staying at home with the big O I can basically do what I want most days, but it takes me forever to figure out what it is I actually want to spend my time doing. I guess that's why I end up sitting around watching a lot of West Wing or looking at blogs trying to get ideas for what to do. And then there's the whole prospect of trying to pick where we want to live for the rest of our lives once Bryan gets out of optometry school... Maybe if I just watch West Wing a great decision will magically be made for us?
I think you'll be happier when you realize that all poetry is a bit contrived.
Well written and contrived is so much better than poorly written and contrived, however. :)
Ooooo. I hope you can find a way to Wales. Then I'll have a reason to come visit.
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