Conversation Observation

Back in the days before I was married (well, basically, back in the days before I was dating Kegan, or during the times when Kegan and I were broken up) I had a way to "deal with" first-date conversations. First of, let me just say that I am not a great conversationalist. A lot of the time I just sit there, my brain like one of those dream-catcher things--lots of feathers, some beads, but basically nothing substantial to catch anything solid with. I don't really think of interesting responses until later when I'm re-thinking and re-hashing the whole conversation by myself; which is, of course, too late to actually contribute anything. I'm not good at starting conversations. I'm not good at throwing in interesting little trivia and personal experiences. Oh no. I can keep a conversation going sometimes--but it's often not pretty.

"So," you're asking, "how do you deal with first-date conversations?" Answer: I am an incurable question-asker.

The whole first-date scenario isn't really necessary, because that's how I deal with most conversations where I don't know what to do. But the first-date scenario is the first I thought of, so let's carry on, shall we?

It seems difficult to me to try and drop little bits of information about myself into a conversation without seeming like I want to a) impress whomever I'm talking to, b) brag (ah, the battle to one-up every human you come in contact with), c) force some kind of intimacy or interest on the part of the party I'm talking to. Whew. And heaven knows that you have to do SOMETHING during those horrific pauses of awkward silence that are NOT comfortable and are NOT because you're both musing to yourselves. They happen because you're both frantically trying to think of something-anything-anything at all-please please please! to say. What to do at those times? Ask a question.

It's easy. Example: you're in their car and spy a CD, "What band is this? Oh really? What's your favorite kind of music? Fascinating! Ever been to one of their concerts? Ducky! Do you play an instrument? You don't say! Bass or alto? Hmm. Yes. So, you played band in high school?" I could go on. There's no end in sight.

People love to talk about themselves. So, when the conversation is dying, why not start in on something that is sure to create some noise, even if just for a little while?

Now, this question-asking works better with some than others. Some people are delighted to be asked so much about themselves, others get annoyed by it or else think it's their duty to start firing back all the same questions at me. "Do you like pie? -Yes, I do! And do YOU like pie?"

I don't think I'm smarter than the average person, but I don't think I'm an idiot either. But I've had a few friends who told me they thought I was really smart. That probably sounds weird, but it's going to come together in a minute. You see, these people that are supposedly dazzled by my brilliance are the people that I actually talk to the least. Because our conversations generally consist of me listening while they talk. I think it stems a lot from me acting as a sounding board and as these people talk to/at me, they figure things out for themselves. I just happen to be around to look good and nod my head and smile encouragingly at the appropriate times. This observation doesn't really put my intellect in the best light--but there you have it.

Once again, my post is ending an an inconclusive, loose-ends-everywhere place. That's all.