75 Candles
I must be getting old. Like, seventy-five-years-where-are-my-eye-glasses-get-my-own-condo-in-Leisure-World-retirement-facility-old. Leisure World is the retirement "community" where my grandpa and my step-grandmother lived in Seal Beach, California. It is a veritable walled-in city of the elderly, like one massive neighborhood of baby-boomer parents. It has 8,000 residents or something unbelievable like that. It has a gated entrance and whoever you're going to visit has to call ahead and give the okay for you to get through. Traffic--that really should have quotation marks around it--is directed by little old people who wear gray-blue shorts and gesture to you with white-gloved hands and shout helpful directives like, "southbound!" Driving around in that place feels surreal. Everywhere you look are white-headed, prune-skinned people--waving, going on walks, entering one of the many recreation centers there, etc. There was a lemon tree growing outside of my grandpa's condo. I remember being totally in awe and picking two lemons. I took them home to Oregon and put them on top of my dresser. I would pick them up several times a day and smell them, until they dried out and were eventually thrown away.
Anyway. I'm old. Let me tell you why:
1. I can't stay up late anymore. I FELL ASLEEP last night when Lance and Andrea were over. Passed out. Snored, even (not really). The first semester of my freshman year at college I always stayed up late, getting three hours of sleep every night. Ms. Reasor and I would sit in our kitchen with blocks of cheddar cheese and carve away at them while discussing any and every thing. Ms. Reasor would sometimes paint me without her glasses on. I didn't realize how terrible I felt until I got home for Christmas break and slept for 12 hours straight. The next semester I got closer to 5 hours a night. Now I need 7. NEED. If I plan to get up at a time that will cut my number of slumbering hours to anything less, it does not happen. Unless I absolutely have to get up for something (to catch a flight, write a 9 page paper, save your life, etc).
2. I'm cold all the time. There's a slight drizzle outside and I think I need a fleece body suit and a cup of mint tea.
3. My back aches sometimes. I think this is actually due to bad posture and sitting on a love sac too much--but you never know. Arthritis is also a plausible cause.
4. I've always liked old movies. In sixth grade I dressed up as Audrey Hepburn from "Roman Holiday" for Halloween. No one my age had a clue who I was. My only validation was from my teachers.
5. I look at weekends as a time to fold my laundry, catch up on sleep, and try a new recipe.
6. I already know what I age I intend to start applying wrinkle cream. Ask Kegan. He knows.
7. I look at my roommates and think, "they're so young. I remember when I was that age. I was just like that." They are three years younger than I am (as opposed to three decades).
8. I'm bad at texting.
9. I keep worrying about my calcium intake. I drink a ton of milk. I like to take a preventative stance on osteoporosis.
10. I have a Snuggie. And I wear it (and LIKE it).
11. The hip foods these days are mochas and sushi. Please. I prefer things like licorice and meatloaf and pumpernickel bread.
12. I fear dentures. This is part of the reason behind my excellent dental hygiene.
If you're not convinced, I'll send you a certificate authenticating my membership in the Bingo club.
Anyway. I'm old. Let me tell you why:
1. I can't stay up late anymore. I FELL ASLEEP last night when Lance and Andrea were over. Passed out. Snored, even (not really). The first semester of my freshman year at college I always stayed up late, getting three hours of sleep every night. Ms. Reasor and I would sit in our kitchen with blocks of cheddar cheese and carve away at them while discussing any and every thing. Ms. Reasor would sometimes paint me without her glasses on. I didn't realize how terrible I felt until I got home for Christmas break and slept for 12 hours straight. The next semester I got closer to 5 hours a night. Now I need 7. NEED. If I plan to get up at a time that will cut my number of slumbering hours to anything less, it does not happen. Unless I absolutely have to get up for something (to catch a flight, write a 9 page paper, save your life, etc).
2. I'm cold all the time. There's a slight drizzle outside and I think I need a fleece body suit and a cup of mint tea.
3. My back aches sometimes. I think this is actually due to bad posture and sitting on a love sac too much--but you never know. Arthritis is also a plausible cause.
4. I've always liked old movies. In sixth grade I dressed up as Audrey Hepburn from "Roman Holiday" for Halloween. No one my age had a clue who I was. My only validation was from my teachers.
5. I look at weekends as a time to fold my laundry, catch up on sleep, and try a new recipe.
6. I already know what I age I intend to start applying wrinkle cream. Ask Kegan. He knows.
7. I look at my roommates and think, "they're so young. I remember when I was that age. I was just like that." They are three years younger than I am (as opposed to three decades).
8. I'm bad at texting.
9. I keep worrying about my calcium intake. I drink a ton of milk. I like to take a preventative stance on osteoporosis.
10. I have a Snuggie. And I wear it (and LIKE it).
11. The hip foods these days are mochas and sushi. Please. I prefer things like licorice and meatloaf and pumpernickel bread.
12. I fear dentures. This is part of the reason behind my excellent dental hygiene.
If you're not convinced, I'll send you a certificate authenticating my membership in the Bingo club.
posted by Sylvia Louise at
11:18 PM
4 Comments:
This comment has been removed by the author.
I suppose it's a good thing we're getting married then. Not like you're getting any younger. We can be old together. Just as long as we don't go to bed before 9:30. And you weren't snoring. You were drooling.
Please. There are dozens of ridiculously wealthy old men who would love to have a trophy wife like myself. I WAS NOT drooling. Let's just remember the time you drooled. On me.
Oh, soon you can drool all over each other legally.
Hee hee.
After reading that list and agreeing with every one of those, you've suddenly made me old too. Darn you.
#1 is definitely a product of being married. No idea why. It gets worse and worse. I used to regularly pull all nighters and now I can't stay up during a movie past 9pm to save anyone's life.
#6. I started this year. Is your number 29?
#11. Ummmmm, sushi was hip before you were old. Sorry.
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