Concert in the Canned Vegetables Aisle

Why is it that they play the best music in supermarkets? Seriously. Okay, it's usually not the super popular pop junk. But it's those immortal kind of songs that you know without even knowing why. Like "Maggie" by Rod Stewart. I have heard that song in only two places: 1)when I worked at a physical therapy clinic where the radio was constantly tuned to some soft rock station, 2) in a grocery store. And then there's songs like "Red Red Wine" by UB40. What else? I'm listening to "Red Red Wine" right now--and frankly, it's no good unless you're choosing some raw chicken or a consistency of peanut butter (Crunchy? Creamy? "Stay close to me-e-e"). Or what about "For What It's Worth" by Buffalo Springfield. Except that song also seems perfect on any day that's too hot outside. There's the occasional Norah Jones song and some Simon and Garfunkel from time to time. More recently I heard "Stuck in a Moment" by U2. Can I just say how much I love that song? Yes? Here it is: I love that song. It's good anywhere, but especially in the Macey's breakfast aisle. I found myself singing it as I was choosing between corn flakes and Capn' Crunch while it piped through the speakers overhead. I remember looking over to see some guy standing in front of the oatmeals, mouthing the words while he picked up a box of brown sugar and maple instant.

Of course there are always the exceptions. Stores that play only country--I can deal with that. Country music makes me kind of happy in an inexplicable way. Listening to country music is frowned upon in some circles (ahem)--but when it's just playing, and you have no power over it, what can you do? Totally kosher.

There are always the stores that play music that makes you want to duck your head and avoid eye contact with anyone. These are the stores that seem to have songs that fit in the I-can't-believe-they-say-that-where-I-have-to-hear-it-in-public-with(MY GOSH)-other-people category. You know. The lyrics are all pretty much the same: I can't live without you/ come back to me/ euphemisms for you-know-what/ you're my soulmate, etc etc. Those are the worst. Because there's always some time when you're asking an employee where the Parmesan cheese is and in the interim of where your question ends and his answer begins you hear the words (somehow, perfectly clear and distinct), "please baby, you're my only lady." Instant shame.

You know what I haven't heard in the supermarket for a while? Seal. I could really use a little "Fly Like an Eagle" or "Love's Divine" the next time I need some olive oil or ground hamburger. I kind of wish I managed my own grocery store just so I could choose the music. First track? "Nothing in My Way" by Keane, and then some "What the World Needs Now" by Jackie Deshannon. Which would have to be followed by a little JLo or Whitney Houston. Come on, people--what could be better while stuffing some celery stalks into a plastic bag?