No Thanks, I Have My Own Soundtrack

I feel my Savior’s love
In all the world around me
His Spirit warms my soul
Through ev’rything I see

He knows I will follow him,
Give all my life to him.
I feel my Savior’s love,
The love he freely gives me.

I feel my Savior’s love;
Its gentleness enfolds me,
And when I kneel to pray,
My heart is filled with peace.

I feel my Savior’s love
And know that he will bless me.
I offer him my heart;
My shepherd he will be.

The radio in my car inexplicably died recently. I listen to a lot of music, so I miss it in that sense. But I've also realized that I almost always have a song playing in my head. No matter what I do, some lyrics and melody are piping through my mind, like a default record player, my being conscious acting as the needle. This bothers me because it can make it harder for me to clear my head. When I listen to less music, my mind is usually clearer. At any rate, I was driving to Provo yesterday, radioless. So, of course I made my own music. I decided to sing every Primary song I could remember. I worked my way through the classics, “I Love to See the Temple,” “Book of Mormon Stories” (sans hand motions), “A Child’s Prayer,” etc. and moved into Christmas songs (“Nativity Story,” “Picture a Christmas,” “When Joseph Went to Bethlehem,” etc) and dabbled in some others, “I Wonder When He Comes Again,” “I’ll Walk With You,” etc. There were a lot of songs and would have been more if the trip had been longer. I made a few attempts at the song where you basically list off all the books of the Old Testament. I don’t think I’ve ever had that one memorized. For some reason I could not remember the melody or most of the words to one of my favorite Primary songs. All I could remember were small snatches and the idea of pledging one’s life to Jesus Christ. It was an odd sensation—the same experience as when you have a word on the tip of your tongue, but can’t get it past your lips.

This morning I realized what song it was: “I Feel My Savior’s Love.” I love this song and most especially the lines, “He knows I will follow him / Give all my life to him.”

It’s not hard to feel disillusioned and pessimistic. Just about everything can disappoint you or end up not being what you thought it was. It’s not difficult to feel lost and kind of hopeless. Sometimes it’s difficult to not feel those things. The more I learn, the more I realize that the one thing that never disappoints is God. Strange as it may sound, I never really thought of myself as a “religious person” until recently. That phrase just didn’t seem to fit. I’m not sure what I associated with it. Perhaps monkhood and asceticism or something. But I am religious—very much so. My faith in God defines who I am and what I do. It is the bones in my skeleton that holds up my life and gives it form. My faith is the heart that pumps blood and nutrients to all of me. It is absolutely necessary.